12 steps of spiritual g
Step 11 of the AA 12 step program is:
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
On aa.org one finds an acknowledgement that ,for some, the concept of God or the use of the term God is still one which is not helpful. It goes one to say on page 98
“As we have seen, self-searching is the means by which we bring new vision, action, and grace to bear upon the dark and negative side of our natures. It is a step in the development of that kind of humility that makes it possible for us to receive God’s help. Yet it is only a step. We will want to go further.
We will want the good that is in us all, even in the worst of us, to flower and to grow. Most certainly we shall need bracing air and an abundance of food. But first of all we shall want sunlight; nothing much can grow in the dark. Meditation is our step out into the sun. How, then, shall we meditate?”
On page 99, a prayer of St. Francis is repeated:
“Lord, make me a channel of thy peace—that where there is hatred, I may bring love—that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness—that where there is discord, I may bring harmony—that where there is error, I may bring truth—that where there is doubt, I may bring faith—that where there is despair, I may bring hope—that where there are shadows, I may bring light— that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted— to understand, than to be understood—to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by for- giving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen.”
Surely this is no one who could disagree with the wishes expressed in this prayer. The term prayer may, however, be a stumbling block. Again we are faced with a God concept and the belief that some being is going to receive our satellite message and take action. What is this concept of prayer? Let ask our friends at oxforddictionary.com. There we find:
1. a solemn request for help or expression of thanks addressed to God or an object of worship.
2. A religious service, especially a regular one, at which people gather in order to pray together
3. “he doesn’t have a prayer of of…he doesn’t have a prayer of …
The etiology of the word is from the old French word preiere based on Latin precarius meaning “obtained by entreaty…”
In more contemporary language, one might find the terms:
Intentional
Noticing
Mindfulness
Listening
Meditative presence
All of these terms require a willingness (remember the HOW of the program which I wrote about some time ago – honestly, open mindedness and willingness) to be quiet, to really listen to what the best part of one is thinking, check in with one’s value system, and have the have the courage to be honest with oneself and with others.
Of course, whether I believe in a higher power/God/Allah or not, I have to continue to remind myself that I am powerless over other people, places and things. Assuming my brain is functional I am not powerless of the intent which is expressed by St. Francis. Think how much we humans could change the world it we were just intentional more often about:
1. Where there is hatred I will strive to bring love. We know that hatred is a symptom of fear. I can reach beneath the fear to the person who is hurting. The person will or will not respond in a positive way but I do not have to give the person the power to respond with more hate.
2. I may bring the spirit of forgiveness. None of us are better or worse than others. It is my intent to not judge myself for others. May it be my intent to accept the humanness of myself and others today.
3. Where there is discord may I bring harmony. Obviously I cannot force someone or some group of people to make peace or to treat each other with love. I can remain calm and refused to be sucked into being judgmental, angry, or violent. I am not convinced that responding to violence (physical, emotional and verbal) with more violence ever leads to a positive result long term.
4. That where there is error I may bring truth. It seems to me that this is especially important in terms of misunderstandings what I may have said or done. If someone hears me as mean or unkind I can certainly say that I am sorry that I came across that way and reassure that I did not intend to communicate such negative thoughts or feelings. On the other hand, perhaps I lost my cool and I did say something mean. The truth is that I can apologize/make amends when I have been unkind. When I was wrong I can apologize. I do not hear this part of the prayer of St. Francis as “I know the truth and will correct your errors.” If one hears it this way one could “justify” being very unkind in the name of truth. Most often this issue comes up in the context of attempting to get the other person to accept that I did not do or say something. In this case I have fallen in the trap of needing to have the other person accept that my truth is the only possible truth. That goal becomes more important than treating others with love and kindness. I think I have to be very careful with thinking I know or possess ‘the truth” but then admitting that I do not know “the truth” is paradoxically a universal truth!
5. That where there is doubt I may bring faith. For me the faith I can communicate is the faith that the other person is worth love and respect no matter what. One could read this as faith in God. I choose to keep it simple and trust that it is good enough if I do my best to love no matter what is going on with the other person or what he or she did. A wonderful example of this has been occurring with someone I know who when he and his wife relapsed shot and killed his wife. The people in the 12 step program, his children and his family members know that addiction is a powerful disease which can take over one’s brain resulting in a terrible outcome such as when this person shot and killed his wife. They are exhibiting true compassion which accepts that any of us could be in the same position if we do not take care of ourselves. This faith is in the basic goodness of his man which was masked by the addiction.
6. That where there is despair I may bring hope. I wrote to the man in jail awaiting a retrial on the murder charges (first trial ended in hung jury). I also write to several others who are serving time in state or federal prisons. I have been communicating with several people who have lost children to addiction or from other causes. I cannot bring their child back. I can show and show all these people that there is still love in the world.
7. There where there are shadows there is light. Ahh… Sometimes all we humans can see or experience is the dark. It is easy to allow ourselves to get sucked into the dark rather than bring light to the darkness. Again sometimes the light we bring is just being present with love and understanding. Sometimes, as with entering a dark room, we need to patiently wait for our eyes to see the light.
8. That where there is sadness I may bring joy. Sometimes the sadness of another triggers my own memory of sadness. If not careful I might get so involved with my own history or issues that I am not lovingly listening or present with the other. Then we have two sad, depressed people, neither of who can support or help the other.
9. Grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted. Again I am reminded of the fact that sometimes when we need to be comforting or we intend to be comforting we bring up all our history of woes, disappointment, aches, pains, etc. We end up sucking more life out of the person who needs our comfort. I always need to be careful to get my gas tank filled. If I go to comfort when I have nothing left to give I will not bring comfort and will ask for comfort instead.
10. To understand rather than to be understood. Some women maintain that we males very often offer advice when they need us to just listen. Listening is not easy even for we professional listeners. It can be a great comfort to another when we can just lovingly listen without offering advice or judgments.
11. To love, than to be loved. Actually, when we have allowed ourselves to trust the love of other, to treat ourselves with love, to know that we are love, we are able to love.
St. Francis ends with, “For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by for-giving that one is forgiven. It is y dying that one awaken to Eternal Life. Amen.
Whether or not one believes literally in eternal life, one can learn to trust the fact that emotions and thoughts are energy. It is a basic law of physics that energy is neither created or destroyed. I am sure all of the readers have had the experience of walking into a space which feels light or heavy or even sinister. I have been in hotel rooms where I “knew” something negative had occurred. I have refused to stay in such a room. I have come into a home or office and immediately known something positive or negative has been going on. There are those who use rituals to cleanse a space of negative energy. Whether one believes that is possible or not, it is important for me to be as intentional as possible about being aware that I can choose to leave negative or positive energy in every space I visit tonight. Whether I am going stop for a cup of coffee with a friend, interact with a store clerk, a client or someone else I can bring and leave loving energy. It is my intent to bring and leave positive energy as much as humanly possible.
For me, this is the intent of the 11th step – to be the most loving person I can be today – to myself, others and mother earth – to hold on to my essential belief in the power of love. With or without any concept of God/Allah/Higher Power if one has the courage to love one can be assured that they are doing their part to insure that the world will function in a harmonious way. Sounds pretty simple, but for this human it is not always easy. I find that I can get off balance and just react rather than staying in an actor role. The 11 step is my commitment to be intentional about doing my best today to be an actor who is in tough with the power of love.
Written September 16, 2015
Step 11 of the AA 12 step program is:
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
On aa.org one finds an acknowledgement that ,for some, the concept of God or the use of the term God is still one which is not helpful. It goes one to say on page 98
“As we have seen, self-searching is the means by which we bring new vision, action, and grace to bear upon the dark and negative side of our natures. It is a step in the development of that kind of humility that makes it possible for us to receive God’s help. Yet it is only a step. We will want to go further.
We will want the good that is in us all, even in the worst of us, to flower and to grow. Most certainly we shall need bracing air and an abundance of food. But first of all we shall want sunlight; nothing much can grow in the dark. Meditation is our step out into the sun. How, then, shall we meditate?”
On page 99, a prayer of St. Francis is repeated:
“Lord, make me a channel of thy peace—that where there is hatred, I may bring love—that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness—that where there is discord, I may bring harmony—that where there is error, I may bring truth—that where there is doubt, I may bring faith—that where there is despair, I may bring hope—that where there are shadows, I may bring light— that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted— to understand, than to be understood—to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by for- giving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen.”
Surely this is no one who could disagree with the wishes expressed in this prayer. The term prayer may, however, be a stumbling block. Again we are faced with a God concept and the belief that some being is going to receive our satellite message and take action. What is this concept of prayer? Let ask our friends at oxforddictionary.com. There we find:
1. a solemn request for help or expression of thanks addressed to God or an object of worship.
2. A religious service, especially a regular one, at which people gather in order to pray together
3. “he doesn’t have a prayer of of…he doesn’t have a prayer of …
The etiology of the word is from the old French word preiere based on Latin precarius meaning “obtained by entreaty…”
In more contemporary language, one might find the terms:
Intentional
Noticing
Mindfulness
Listening
Meditative presence
All of these terms require a willingness (remember the HOW of the program which I wrote about some time ago – honestly, open mindedness and willingness) to be quiet, to really listen to what the best part of one is thinking, check in with one’s value system, and have the have the courage to be honest with oneself and with others.
Of course, whether I believe in a higher power/God/Allah or not, I have to continue to remind myself that I am powerless over other people, places and things. Assuming my brain is functional I am not powerless of the intent which is expressed by St. Francis. Think how much we humans could change the world it we were just intentional more often about:
1. Where there is hatred I will strive to bring love. We know that hatred is a symptom of fear. I can reach beneath the fear to the person who is hurting. The person will or will not respond in a positive way but I do not have to give the person the power to respond with more hate.
2. I may bring the spirit of forgiveness. None of us are better or worse than others. It is my intent to not judge myself for others. May it be my intent to accept the humanness of myself and others today.
3. Where there is discord may I bring harmony. Obviously I cannot force someone or some group of people to make peace or to treat each other with love. I can remain calm and refused to be sucked into being judgmental, angry, or violent. I am not convinced that responding to violence (physical, emotional and verbal) with more violence ever leads to a positive result long term.
4. That where there is error I may bring truth. It seems to me that this is especially important in terms of misunderstandings what I may have said or done. If someone hears me as mean or unkind I can certainly say that I am sorry that I came across that way and reassure that I did not intend to communicate such negative thoughts or feelings. On the other hand, perhaps I lost my cool and I did say something mean. The truth is that I can apologize/make amends when I have been unkind. When I was wrong I can apologize. I do not hear this part of the prayer of St. Francis as “I know the truth and will correct your errors.” If one hears it this way one could “justify” being very unkind in the name of truth. Most often this issue comes up in the context of attempting to get the other person to accept that I did not do or say something. In this case I have fallen in the trap of needing to have the other person accept that my truth is the only possible truth. That goal becomes more important than treating others with love and kindness. I think I have to be very careful with thinking I know or possess ‘the truth” but then admitting that I do not know “the truth” is paradoxically a universal truth!
5. That where there is doubt I may bring faith. For me the faith I can communicate is the faith that the other person is worth love and respect no matter what. One could read this as faith in God. I choose to keep it simple and trust that it is good enough if I do my best to love no matter what is going on with the other person or what he or she did. A wonderful example of this has been occurring with someone I know who when he and his wife relapsed shot and killed his wife. The people in the 12 step program, his children and his family members know that addiction is a powerful disease which can take over one’s brain resulting in a terrible outcome such as when this person shot and killed his wife. They are exhibiting true compassion which accepts that any of us could be in the same position if we do not take care of ourselves. This faith is in the basic goodness of his man which was masked by the addiction.
6. That where there is despair I may bring hope. I wrote to the man in jail awaiting a retrial on the murder charges (first trial ended in hung jury). I also write to several others who are serving time in state or federal prisons. I have been communicating with several people who have lost children to addiction or from other causes. I cannot bring their child back. I can show and show all these people that there is still love in the world.
7. There where there are shadows there is light. Ahh… Sometimes all we humans can see or experience is the dark. It is easy to allow ourselves to get sucked into the dark rather than bring light to the darkness. Again sometimes the light we bring is just being present with love and understanding. Sometimes, as with entering a dark room, we need to patiently wait for our eyes to see the light.
8. That where there is sadness I may bring joy. Sometimes the sadness of another triggers my own memory of sadness. If not careful I might get so involved with my own history or issues that I am not lovingly listening or present with the other. Then we have two sad, depressed people, neither of who can support or help the other.
9. Grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted. Again I am reminded of the fact that sometimes when we need to be comforting or we intend to be comforting we bring up all our history of woes, disappointment, aches, pains, etc. We end up sucking more life out of the person who needs our comfort. I always need to be careful to get my gas tank filled. If I go to comfort when I have nothing left to give I will not bring comfort and will ask for comfort instead.
10. To understand rather than to be understood. Some women maintain that we males very often offer advice when they need us to just listen. Listening is not easy even for we professional listeners. It can be a great comfort to another when we can just lovingly listen without offering advice or judgments.
11. To love, than to be loved. Actually, when we have allowed ourselves to trust the love of other, to treat ourselves with love, to know that we are love, we are able to love.
St. Francis ends with, “For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by for-giving that one is forgiven. It is y dying that one awaken to Eternal Life. Amen.
Whether or not one believes literally in eternal life, one can learn to trust the fact that emotions and thoughts are energy. It is a basic law of physics that energy is neither created or destroyed. I am sure all of the readers have had the experience of walking into a space which feels light or heavy or even sinister. I have been in hotel rooms where I “knew” something negative had occurred. I have refused to stay in such a room. I have come into a home or office and immediately known something positive or negative has been going on. There are those who use rituals to cleanse a space of negative energy. Whether one believes that is possible or not, it is important for me to be as intentional as possible about being aware that I can choose to leave negative or positive energy in every space I visit tonight. Whether I am going stop for a cup of coffee with a friend, interact with a store clerk, a client or someone else I can bring and leave loving energy. It is my intent to bring and leave positive energy as much as humanly possible.
For me, this is the intent of the 11th step – to be the most loving person I can be today – to myself, others and mother earth – to hold on to my essential belief in the power of love. With or without any concept of God/Allah/Higher Power if one has the courage to love one can be assured that they are doing their part to insure that the world will function in a harmonious way. Sounds pretty simple, but for this human it is not always easy. I find that I can get off balance and just react rather than staying in an actor role. The 11 step is my commitment to be intentional about doing my best today to be an actor who is in tough with the power of love.
Written September 16, 2015
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